Sooooo I got a key stamped with the word courage in my MOPS "Be You Bravely" packet. I thought about it and thought about it...who to give the key to,mmm? I know a couple of women that are brave and who show courage every single day. My first inclination when I come across a talisman such as this is to immediately find a loving home for it. I try to rack my brain quickly,flip through the personnel files in my heart to find someone,that one person who this little something would do the most good. And I never would have chosen this person for this little ol' key filled with so much courage: me.
I have courage every single day,not just as a mom of a toddler or a wife of strong-willed,brilliant and loving husband but to be me. I suffered my third miscarriage in five years this fall. I also had a hysterectomy during the surgery for the miscarriage. Complications arose with the pregnancy that quickly could have been life-threatening to me and the baby I was carrying. The complications resulted in me losing my ability to carry anymore pregnancies.
Yep. No more babies from my womb.
I am still devastated and still processing all of it,layer by layer. The two bright,shining reasons I am not crumbling into pieces are my husband and my daughter. He is my rock and she is my sunshine. He is the most supportive person of me. She was and is my marathon. I don't run (unless being chased) but I got to have a baby.My pregnancy with her was for the most part,wonderful. I am good thanks.
We are looking into adoption,mostly the business side of it. Marriage and family have a business side to them. You have to work together as a TEAM to make it all work. The emotions that hang with me everyday are mine,but to move towards adoption we have to get rid of debt and start saving every single penny. The business side of the adoption process is all I can handle right now,but every now and then God shows me I have so much more love to give.
So there you are. I am going to keep this key for myself . It will remind me the only way to get through all of this is God-granted courage. Thanks for reading. -Mere