2014 has been a year of turmoil in every area of my life. Everyone tells you to be grateful for what you have, can do, can be. Gratitude is often at war with the struggles of life. I would post the gory details of the struggles of the past year but it would sound like I was whining and ungrateful. I bought the COURAGE key while I was at a professional networking event, struggling to get business and exhausted from everything else going on. It would be a wonderful reality if we could purchase COURAGE or whatever other personal power or missing personal pieces that we need at any moment. Just order them up. But that's now how it works, we all know that. The world can be a scary, lonely place with 1,000,000 decisions to make all of the time that will determine where our lives will go. I have had to make those decisions for me and my sons alone now for years, and after a while, the weight of all of those choices (some good, some not so good) builds up. Making the choice to leave their father, although he claimed to be suicidal, for the higher good of the boys and me. Making the choice to go to college to try to make a better (or any) life for us because we had no income or support. Making the choice to buy a house when the budget was more than tight. Remarrying, separating, buying a different house on my own. Choosing to authorize one type of brain surgery that was more dangerous but could yield better, long term results for my youngest son, while looking into his big, brown and trusting eyes, and no one there but me to make that choice. What did I need in the face of all of these events? Courage. And there can never be enough of it.
April 07, 2015