August 09, 2015
Courage For My Daughter
My sister gave me my courage/fortress key on my birthday. Her timing was perfect. My 16 year old daughter has been in and out of hospitals for self harm and thoughts of suicide for the past year and a half. This all started with a suicide attempt on Halloween in 2013. Whenever we think she is stable she spirals out of control. The week of my birthday my daughter had her worst episode in the past year and a half. I had never seen her eyes so dark and empty. It just wasn't her. I knew she needed to go back to the hospital. There is a very good possibility that she will need residential type treatment at this point. I was feeling crushed and truly like a failure as a parent. As I sat at dinner with my family and friends I was feeling guilty because my daughter sat in a hospital room waiting for a bed at a treatment facility. My sister handed me a package and told me to open it right away. It was my key.
I know my daughter will get through her struggles and will come out strong and amazing. Until then I will continue to wear my key and when I need that little reminder I will touch the words. When she is healthy and stable this key will be hers. I hope and pray that I can give this to her sooner rather than later.