When I was 17, my mom was diagnosed with a very rare appendix cancer. At the time I wasn't too worried. Sure I was scared, but a lot of people have cancer and a lot of people have survived it. Plus my family had faced health scares before concerning my dad. Things always seemed to work out for the best, and I believed they would work out for my mom.
She was the best person I knew. She couldn't die. Well 2 years later during my second week of my freshman year of college, she did. And words can't even begin to explain how my world rocked. I lost my best friend. The one person in the world who understood and accepted me. Who stood by me despite all of my faults and continued to love me.
But losing her wasn’t the end, only the beginning. After mom, my family also lost my aunt and 3 grandparents within 4 years. I began to realize with each loss, I was losing a little bit more of myself. I didn't even have time to process one loss before another one hit. In time I completely lost my FAITH. FAITH in my family, FAITH in doctors to heal, FAITH in the future, FAITH in God and FAITH in myself. I lost myself. Instead of FAITH, I let pain dictate my behavior, decisions, words and relationships.
Needless to say this led nowhere good. Finally, after I had reached rock bottom which felt like the 7th time in 7 years, I realized something needed to change in my life. Something great was missing. And that something was a someone, God.
I started slowly and began attending church again, each time leaving a service with tears in my eyes. I didn’t realize that what I had started was a journey. A journey not only to find myself again, but to let God find me. Along this journey, many amazing people have been placed in my life, cheering me on and picking me up, dusting me off when I fall again. My word for 2018 is FAITH. FAITH that through God I can do all things. FAITH that I am enough in Him. FAITH that one day I will see my mom again and what a joyous reunion that will be.
-Jessie
