Need To Believe

My husband and I started our journey for a family 3 years ago. I got pregnant right away, but unfortunately had my first miscarriage at 7 weeks. Obviously, we were devastated and started trying again as soon as we could.

A year and a half later we were still not pregnant. During that time 9 friends had babies including my best friend. Every pregnancy announcement was a reminder that we weren't pregnant and a reminder of what we lost. Every month I would cry when we found out we weren't pregnant. It was a huge strain on our mental health and our marriage.

So we went to a fertility specialist for testing. To our surprise and joy we found out we were pregnant while going through the testing. We were very excited, but appropriately cautious. We went for an ultrasound at 9 weeks and the doctor could not find a heartbeat. A week later I had my second miscarriage. The second miscarriage crushed me. We had just moved across the county and I felt totally alone. I broke down and wept at my next doctors appointment when the doctor told me it was just bad chance. I have never felt so uncomfortable or embarrassed for breaking down in front someone. The only thing we could do was keep trying.

Three months later, to our surprise, we found out we were pregnant. Again, we experienced the crushing disappointment of a 3rd miscarriage. All of this felt so unfair. After 3 miscarriages we were referred to another specialist. We picked ourselves up and went in for more testing, more blood work, more appointments. This time we found out I had to have surgery to remove polyps and scar tissue. After the surgery we found out I have diminished ovarian reserve, basically at 32 years old I was running out of eggs. Currently we are in the middle of IVF. We are hoping and praying for our rainbow baby. My cousin sent me the Giving Key "Believe". We need to believe this will happen for us. I hope that in writing this story someone else can relate to our situation and know they are not alone.


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