God, I Am Ready If You Are Taking Me


First She survived this! The Stabbing Story
May 8, 2013 at 8:56pm
It was July 31, 2004 in the wee hours of the morning when the horror began. Herb Brown, Grayson's biological father and my estranged husband at the time attacked me with a knife. Here is the story for it sets me free each time I share:
Herb's verbal and mental abuse increased after the birth of our son while living in Minnesota. I chose to leave him and move to Joplin near my family. He ended up moving too and agreed to counseling. We spent the next 2 plus years in marriage counseling with our minister. The abuse continued and the night Grayson at age 4 told me to "shut up Bitch" because he had heard it numerous times, I got the guts to leave him. Herb also had started reporting me for child abuse which was unfounded. I had a smart attorney who knew the laws well. I filed for divorce while we were in court over the unfounded charges he had filed on me. Mom had Grayson at her house where I was staying since I had to leave our house when he filed charges. I was unable to have any contact with Grayson until the judge ruled after filed the abuse charges. it was the longest three days of my life. This is significant because when you file divorce in MO whoever has physical custody of the child is awarded temporary custody. Anyway, the judge dropped all charges of abuse and neglect that he had accused me of. While sitting in the court room, divorce papers were served and I gained custody of Grayson. This sent Herb into rage for the next two months. He threatened, he attempted to get custody, he was a real jerk. The judge allowed visitation in July and Herb started working on me to not divorce him. I was firm that it was over. He always accused me of cheating on him and thought that was why I was leaving.

The morning of the stabbing Herb had been called into work and wanted to drop Grayson off on his way to work. We had made an agreement to take Grayson to my mom's at 3am when he went to work because I was leaving at 5 am to go to AR to see Bill Clinton during his book tour. Love my Bill!

Herb called me around 2:30 am waking me up to tell me that he and Grayson were at my rental house. When I went to the door Herb had parked in front of the house on the street. He was on the porch and had left Grayson sleeping in the front seat of the car. Herb had given me a card earlier in the day and wanted to know if I had read it. When I told him no, he got very angry. Next thing I know we are standing in the entryway of the house and he has pulled a knife from a sheath on his belt loop. The first stab was to my throat near the juggler. Stunned I headed for the front door because my phone was on the kitchen table. On the porch, he repeatedly tried to stab me in the throat. I was fighting with all I had and screaming for help. My screams awoke Grayson who got out of the car and told his daddy "stop hurting mommy". Herb told him to get back into the car which he complied. I was able to knock the knife from his hands and it landed in the yard on the sidewalk. We both ran for it and I was just a tad quicker. Unfortunately, when I grabbed the knife in the struggle, I grabbed the blade. I place it under me as I was now face down with a 6'5" 300 pound man on top of me. I was bleeding and feeling weak from the stab wounds to my throat. I was begging him to get off me because my breathing had become labored. He refused and eventually pried the knife from my severally cut hand. I began praying to God this prayer:tonight but if not I pray for the strength to protect Grayson. Then it was this verse that came to me ...tho I walk through the valley of death I WILL FEAR NO EVIL, for you are with me.

Still hearing my screams, Grayson got out of the car and asked his daddy to come take him to the bathroom. My little guy's way of trying to protect his mommy. Herb told him to pee behind the nearby tree. We lived near the hospital and heard sirens often. So when I heard sirens, I did not make the connection they were coming for me. Grayson yelled, "momma I hear the police, they are coming to help".

Herb had been stabbing me repeatedly in the back of the head during all this until the handle broke. When he heard the sirens he threw the knife in my shrubs. I remember slightly relaxing when he threw the knife and felt the presence of help.

Herb was on top of me still when the first two officers arrived. He was not following their commands and they threatened to shoot. I remember Grayson saying "please don't shoot my daddy".

The officers removed him from the top of me with force. One officer came to me and my first words were, "that is my son Grayson will you please call my mom Becky to come be with him". The officer ran to his car to get a t-shirt to apply pressure to my neck because blood was everywhere and I was still bleeding. He also returned with a cell phone to call my mom.

By the grace of God I survived! He gave me strength the next 18 months while we waited for the trial. It was early 2006 that we went to trial. The defense portrayed me in an ugly manner. I was not in the courtroom but my family and friends had to sit there and hear the smut (which was tough). Herb had wanted to plead to a deal of 10 years in prison but the prosecutor thought he could get longer at trial so we rejected the plead. Herb was convicted of 3rd degree assault and sentenced to 12 months. He was given credit for time served and released that day.

The fear over took me, it is human when faced by the enemy. Grayson and I slept under the protection of Uncle Mitchell and a few shiny friends that night. I once again went to God asking for protection, comfort and the freedom of this fear. He has continued to keep Grayson and me safe.

There is an order of protection lasting 10 years (the first in Benton County) in place. Herb tested the order and found himself in Benton County Jail in solitary for a week in 2007. He occasionally contacts a family member and last known address was in TN.

Grayson has spent the last 9 years in therapy, The cancer has triggered his trauma. The best way to explain is he has a fear of losing his mom and/or his protector not being able to control the situation or cancer. We are working on this!

I have forgiven Herb because I had to in order to heal and God calls us to do so. However, the memories and scars are still there. They remind me that He will not forsake me and I AM A SURVIVOR. If I handled a crazy 300 pound man, I can certainly handle some cancer. This tragedy help to shape me into the woman I am today and I am grateful for that. I pray that this cancer shapes me to be more like Jesus.
It feels good to share! Love to All! Then She survived this ~Heather has been fighting breast cancer like her grandmother and her mother have done before her! Here is her prayer request from today.
PET scan results are in and I am fighting mad...the mass on my ovaries and suspicious place on my liver beware. I will fight with every thing I have. Remember, my God is bigger and I have a family and friends that have my back. Prayers as always for complete earthly healing please. We have got this! /

Then she had to survive the death of her sweet mother and one of my best friends.
Words can not adequately express the comfort and peace that God has provided during this difficult time. My heart aches like I have never known before; yet there is joy in trusting The Lord and knowing His plan is perfect. Much Love I appreciate you
AND NOW this happened ...Prayers appreciated as I spend time praying for God's will be done while I give him my fears and trust that his plan is perfect for me.
The news today was not what I was hoping for from the neurosurgeon. Tough decisions will need to be made in the near future.
Please know I appreciate each of you, gonna spend time this week wrapping my head around this all with family. Thanks for the texts, calls, messages and love. You bless me with your encouragement! Love to All
January 12 at 8:38pm
Prayers appreciated as I spend time praying for God's will be done while I give him my fears and trust that his plan is perfect for me.
The news today was not what I was hoping for from the neurosurgeon. Tough decisions will need to be made in the near future.
Please know I appreciate each of you, gonna spend time this week wrapping my head around this all with family. Thanks for the texts, calls, messages and love. So now she is going to have Brain surgery... Decision made! I will be having brain surgery on February 10th in Phoenix. The world's leading neurosurgeon will be performing my procedure. There is a greater than 95% chance of no major complications. I will spend three days in the hospital and could be home as early as the fourth day post-op. What I thought would be a tough decision was made easy because of my research, family of strong women & spouses with the knack for taking care of business in tough situations; as well as prayer for wisdom and the right doors being opened. To God be the glory! I have always liked Phoenix in February You bless me with your encouragement! Love to All SO I'm giving this sweet girl my Giving Key with the word GRACE ...because she believes in the Grace of God AND it happens to be her little girl's name!

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