Letting Go

God speaks to me in dreams. I have had many dreams that have come to life... Ones where the Lord spoke several times that I was going to miscarry our daughter at 18wks gestation, conceiving our daughter Abigail; how I was going to have a baby but it would be early but the doctors told me it would be ok, and she came 2 weeks early, breech, C-section, and not breathing for about 5 or so min... etc.. I had three recent dreams before my trip to WorshipU2015 Bethel. I was pregnant in all three, at the time of middle to third trimester, where I could see the baby moving and literally a foot poked out of my belly as if it were stretching.... I prayed this wasn't they typical birthing dreams as we have 6 children combined! We felt like "oh Lord, we have enough! We are very settled in having our blessing Abi after all we have been through!!" 

Past History is that I have had a lot of mishaps in my life. I have a lot of things that would make one shameful, guilty, discouraged, unworthy, stupid, non-social, shy, withdrawn.... any of the above and more, you name it. And all of those things over the past 5 or so years have hit me like a mac truck! I couldn't function rationally anymore. I felt like I was holding my pee for so long and needed to go, but didn't know where to go, or how to go! LOL I was screaming on the inside, all the while trying to be a wife for the second time, with step children, and my own, and also a new baby in the mix. I had lead worship for years, and stepped down last year to regroup and felt maybe I wasn't designed to do so anymore. I lost hope, I felt defeated. I was lost on the will and desire. I had grabbed on to the thoughts and opinions of others more than what God said about me.

So then there was WorshipU. I knew it was coming that I would be dealt with during this time and I knew it was my only hope to surrender all of these things I've latched on to. During Stephanie G's song "I'm Letting Go", I felt like the baby in my dreams was being birthed! I began to feel as if I were having contractions, and began to speak in the Holy Spirit, and as I spoke, I could feel all of the things I've held and believed in my heart leaving my body! I felt whole, complete, new. God told me during another song of William Matthews, that I am "FOREVER CHANGED". All I had to do was let go!

I shared this with my small group during worshipu. All this time while we were sharing I felt led to share, but felt nervous if anyone would get what was in my heart. Well, I decided to share, and immediately Jasmyn, a wonderful lady who was a part of Bethel spoke and told me that the Lord wanted me to have the key which said "LET GO"!

And so here I was, home after a month of all this wonderful stuff that happened, and I was not about to let go of that key! It meant so much to me. So I thought! A very good friend of mine was leading worship at a church we just so happened to visit last Sunday. We talked and shared about life, and it ended up he was exactly at the same place I was before the Lord healed me of all of the yucky stuff.... and I felt led to give him my key! I did it! I was hard to let go because of the meaning behind it. But I know in my heart of hearts that if it meant so much to my heart, how much it would mean to him, and what it does in the Lord is even greater than me holding on to it. I am Forever grateful for the meaning behind these keys! I will be buying more "let go" keys to rock my story, and give hope to those in the same aspect I was in, to be a light of Jesus, that He heals, He Loves, He restores.

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