When I met my boyfriend, I felt it was a result of my being truly ready and open for a real partner after a very long time. A messy divorce and custody battle had caused me to run even further from the idea of a close relationship than I had before my marriage to, ultimately, the wrong man. Finally, after a lot of work on myself and focus on my daughter, a very spiritual friend told me to put my readiness for true love out into the universe. I did, and seemingly, the perfect man dropped into my life almost instantly.
We were together for seven months until just this week. He has not yet finalized his even messier divorce, and in his marriage, he was emotionally abused and treated very badly. Although he insisted he was ready for a relationship, in order to be completely ready you need to be able to trust somebody and believe that relationships don’t inevitably end. We had a wonderful first several months, but ultimately he would frequently “go into his cave” and pull away from me. I craved an emotional connection and he was running away from it.
Without going into detail, I believe that his inability to have faith that I was not like his ex, that I did love him and have only his best interests at heart, is what led to the end of our relationship. He wasn't not ready, but I am surrounded by loving friends who remind me that I deserve to be truly loved for me and that it is better to be single than to be in a relationship that fills my heart with doubt.
Ironically, he is the one that gave me my Giving Key – FAITH – as a birthday gift. One area that we both agreed on is our faith in God. The breakup did not go as I would have liked, happening just through e-mail as he seems to be afraid of personal conversations. However I have accepted that no matter how much love I can offer him, he needs to be open to it and that is just not the case.
He plans to drop a few things of mine that were at his house on my front porch, and his bike is at my house. He asked that I just leave the bike there for him to pick up. This morning I left the bike along with the Giving Key and a note reading:
I hope that one day you will find FAITH in yourself and others.
-Jodi
