It Reminded Me that I Was Okay

I bought this key my sophomore year of college after much research and thought of what word I wanted to foster. My freshmen year, while a joy in many ways, was also my rock bottom. I ended up in a very toxic relationship with someone, and it brought out the worst in me. I would come back to my dorm sobbing regularly and was convinced that I was unlovable and unable to give love to others. That was never something that I had doubted about myself previous to the relationship. I finally got out of it, but was so bitter and hateful for such a long time following. I felt like the prodigal son in many ways. I pushed just about everyone away and isolated myself because I was too prideful and did not want others to know how bad of a place I was really in. 

I originally wanted the word sufficient, but wound up with something much better. I chose AMPLE because it means more than enough. The key was a tangible reminder that I was and still am enough, despite what had happened. It grounded me and helped me to heal. Anytime I was feeling inadequate, I would trace the word in the palm of my hand. It reminded me that I was okay. That I was here. That I would be okay. That even when I was not at 100%, I was still okay. And ultimately, it reminded me of the sweetness and kindness of God and how He has never left me. It was a reminder that He meets us where we are and loves us there. He will always see me as enough and what a joy there is to knowing that. 

I gifted my key to a dear friend who was going through some of her own battles and thought my key would be fitting. I was at peace to part ways with it and allow a new story to be told through it. Giving away my key felt so vulnerable, but vulnerability allows us to grow and to move in ways we could never imagine. Giving the key away felt like finally coming to terms with everything.


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