I have
Received a Giving Key
With The Word
FEARLESS
My Story
WOW Fear is what I was filled with. My friend Amy saw that in my every move and we talked about how I was finally thinking of divorcing my toxic emotionally/verbally/financially abusive husband of 20 years. I was raised with the Fear of God, Fear of my mother and I was raised to be a "good soldier who takes commands and asks no questions." In my life I feared and acted with aggression, inwardly. I beat the heck out of myself and ended up with gastritis at 18. I lived in a emotionally empty. anger filled, verbally abusive household. My mother had a way to weave her Irish guilt and my brothers learned how to speak down to a woman, me. My father was working and didn't see much of the chaos. I share this part of my story because I did believe that these people loved and hated me at the same time. For years I was so abusive to only myself and gracious to everyone else! Isn't that the way. I needed someone to save me and enter my husband of more than 20 years. Truth is I was with him longer than living with my family. I began that relationship where I left off with my family - Not Knowing Anything About the Cycle of Abuse. I turned to substances within our marriage to just numb the hurt and shame that I was not a "good enough" wife for him. Fast forward, I found sobriety. I found myself love and I found my voice. I had so much fear about divorcing and starting on my own and then enter Amy - Angel in my life. She saw my pain and handed me a little yellow envelope. Inside was a key on a chain that said, FEARLESS. I have worn this every day for the last year and a half and I found the person who needs it the most. A student who is, in this current administration of Abuse, will need to be FEARLESS as he begins his new life when he graduates this June. I plan on giving him this key this week so he can walk with pride, support, compassion and know that he is being watched over in every direction.
