I think we all go through things in life to learn lessons and at times these lessons stack up and can sometimes overwhelm and confuse us. We may not get all the lessons learned and we can hang onto behaviors or beliefs that harm us. Or at the very least make us feel less than we are.
My story is probably pretty typical, I grew up with a pretty normal family, if we all assume that normal is crazy with a mix of love and support. I did however start a belief that came from people trying to protect me, it created a ripple effect that followed me for a long time and had quite an impact.
I dated boys who were not necessarily good and certainly not good for me, and I would try to bring them up, fix them-the arrogance. I married one, who didn't think I would need a real partner in marriage. I accept my part of blame in that I just absorbed what he didn't do because I didn't want my children to suffer.
Fast forward through-my brother dying, losing my job, my mom's breast cancer, my mom and dad both breaking bones, my dad having a stroke then finally after 5 and a half arduous and horrible months my dad passing away-I got a divorce. And after all that time I had been belittled and dragged down, emotionally exhausted and really just surviving.
Shockingly, I am not at ease with dating and through therapy and many bad first dates and many conversations with some really great women I have in my life-thank goodness for very good girlfriends who call you on your business but support you when you don't listen!! I went on a date and met this amazing man, I went with the right attitude and we met at Starbucks(I am super original as well.)
Anyway, he doesn't live in my town but lives across the country, he was moving because of work and wanted to start again. One of the reasons I hold him in such esteem is that he has his kids most of the time, and he gets them where they need to go, he's goes to the parent meetings, does the homework, cooks the meals and listens and enjoys being with his kids.
He is smart, funny, creative, interesting, loving, kind, snarky, successful, well liked/loved by family and friends. He has been so patient with me, I haven't really had an adult relationship, so I had some bumps. It took a lot of communicating to get through some things. And we did all this from opposite sides of the country via the phone, emails and text. Very old school and for me in some ways a blessing, we divulged all of our likes, loves and hates. We shared questions and answers and intimate stories of our life and through all that back and forth and sporadic weeks in person I really fell in love with this amazing man.
We were looking at an opportunity to be together in the same city for the duration but it wasn't meant to be, at least for now. To keep his children with him the majority of the time he is staying where he is, even if it means he loses his job.
I have made it very clear he won't lose me, it isn't ideal and it isn't what I would ordinarily want but it is what I have. And I have it with him and right now that is enough. I have said before I would rather wait for him the waste my time with someone else.
I am giving him the courage key, because it took his kindness and our courage to move past our hurts from former relationships. It takes courage to embark on a relationship that others might consider not ideal. It takes courage to hold on and not give up when things don't go your way immediately.
I will love him as long as he lets me and to be that vulnerable takes courage. I am all in and I want him to know that and to know I trust him and care for him.
He needs the courage to start again, find a job that fulfills him, absorb the loss of a dream, the loss of a job he enjoyed and had been in for awhile and to move forward with a life that is suddenly unexpected and not on the path he initially was traversing. I will be there when he needs me just as he has been there when I needed him.
Being loved deeply by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply takes courage~Lao Tzu
August 07, 2015