First, I Must Love Myself

First Love;

A teenage love that every girl dreams of having. One filled with late night adventures, deep talks about the future, cute dates, and not a care in the world; because when it is your first love, you don't know what heartbreak feels like. I was lucky enough to have this. 16 years old and in love, but never getting the chance to say it. 

Two years of pure happiness fly by and I here I am now. Standing at our spot, this time on the other side of the bridge. I thought to myself for the first time, "god I love him". Instead, I uttered the words "I'm scared..." These words not at all what I had been intending to, but I guess we can't plan for those sort of things. Two words that I have come to know with great depth since my feet last stood upon that bridge. Two words that I will forever regret. Two words that maybe if replaced with three would have given me at least a goodbye today. Instead, I stood there two years later, without him, without myself, and without even as little as a goodbye. I've helped him find himself and in doing that, I lost 'me' along the way. He's broke my heart and tossed it around. Occasionally, floating through thin air, painless and care free. Only waiting for the second where it drops to the ground, waiting for him to walk all over me, and continuously break me with each step, word, and jester. I gave him my love, so much of it that there was not enough left to love myself. now, more than ever I need my love back.

I now wear the 'LOVE' key my sweet mom bought me as a reminder that you can't give away something you don't have; So, to love someone again, first I must love myself. Now that I am beginning to love myself, I now wear 'LET GO'. To remind myself that my love for him was once beautiful and perfect, but now its gone and to fully love myself, I must let him go.


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