I received my first key last night at Winter Jam in a gift basket I won. I didn't understand why my key said "First". Yeah, it was ironic that this was my first key, but I wanted a good word like hope or strength or any of the ones I could look up and easily read what it was supposed to mean. Except ---That's not what it's about. It's not what life or my journey with God is about and he knew I needed to be reminded.
My entire life has been about independence (or solitude, depending on who described it). My childhood was difficult and, without going into detail, led to me being fiercely independent, full of resentment and unable to express emotion. My confidence was non-existent but I was determined to put on a normal face and live.
I thought I had everything under control and appeared to be normal going through the motions of adulthood - until I met the person that unlocked Pandora's box that was my heart.
I was crushed when we broke up. Lower than I had ever been and begging God to let me die. But he didn't. Instead He gave me what I truly needed.
On Nov 15th I was baptized and truly began my walk of faith. Occasionally I start slipping back into my independence and solitude which pulls me away from God. Last night, I took my son to Winter Jam. We entered many of the contests during the event but I was slipping and thought this was useless. People like me don't win so I chunked my phone back in my purse and went back to the music.
Then I won the Lauren Daigle contest. I received a basket that included my key and a devotional book. This morning I searched for the meaning of my key and was led to GOD IS FIRST. He should be the first thought of the day, the first I turn to in seasons of need, the first to be praised for all things and is the first to love me. My key with that strange word "First" engraved on it is exactly what I needed at exactly the right time to keep me on my journey with Jesus.