The year was 2015 and I needed strength in more than one area of my life. After years of floundering I was mentally weak. I began to believe in my lack of confidence—convincing myself my life would never be anywhere close to what I wanted it to be. To say I was lost felt like an understatement. I settled for more than I should have—for jobs, for relationships, for situations I should have known better than to put myself in. But with such low thoughts about not only my quality of life, but also myself I was only given what I was reflecting on. I didn’t realize that what we think is more often than not exactly what we get. Until one moment completely shook me to the core.
A panic attack led me to what I had known for years, but always ignored: I couldn’t continue to live my life this way anymore. So I gathered my strength and I began a journey of self-discovery. And on that journey I realized that who I was didn’t have to be who I am today. Though, however, it isn’t as easy as just shedding a layer of self-hatred I realized that this pain could be used for something greater—for a greater good besides just my life. So I took that strength and I documented it in a book. Inside I shared every aspect of who I was and who I longed to be—who I was working so hard on being. Vulnerability, you see, led to my greatest strength. And from it came a sixteen-year-old dream realized. The Dark Dictionary was born. Strength from struggle was my greatest triumph. And each day is about attempting to find more.